I am going to get into some hot water with this one, I just know it. And I try so hard to keep the peace here and not bitch and moan about things (have I done a good job? It's hard to tell, it's my second nature) and I save that for my gchats, but I'm sorry, I'm only human. I have to shout from the rooftops: I. HATE. MOMMY BLOGS! (I'm not crazy about your status updates either, but one thing at a time.) I'm not against mommies with blogs... I'm talking about MOMMY BLOGS themselves; there IS a distinction!
I'm not sure what it is that makes me LOATHE it so. I'm not sure if it's because I just can't relate, or I just don't get it, or it's just so boring to me because it doesn't apply, or because it's just too much math for my brain to consistently try to figure out how old 34 months is.
I've never been particularly into babies. I don't know how to hold them, I don't know where the throw-up rag goes, and I don't know what they're thinking. In the words of Chandler, "may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" I'm better with older kids. The ones I joke around with and playfully make fun of without damaging their psyches, like high schoolers. Anyways, back on topic.
Mainly... I just don't care. And WHO DOES? I don't care if you breast feed or use formula. I don't care if you let your child cry it out or not. I don't care if you hold your kid with a wrap, your arm, like a football, or with one of those claws from the claw machine games. The only ones who care are those who are also doing it, or purposely not doing it. I feel like it's just like political statements - you believe what you believe, you're not going to change anyone's minds. And I don't even have a kid to have an opinion about this over, so even more so... I don't care.
And the TMI posts! I don't need to hear if you used IVF or "the old-fashioned way". I don't want to hear about your dilated cervix, your spotting, cramping, bathroom habits, birth story, midwife, doula, amniotic fluid or the way you ate the placenta. Suddenly someone gets pregnant and all decorum goes out the door. It's natural and it's life, I get it, but I just don't care, and I don't think the world suddenly wants a free pass to a play-by-play on your most recent OB-GYN appointment.
I think I've identified two reasons they really bother me, and the first is that I can't escape them. Suddenly they're EVERYWHERE. Everyone I knew became a mother and they've multiplied and they drown me in their stories and rants and things that I don't care about. Secondly, it bothers me that a woman will be on some great trajectory in her life and overnight her identity literally changes to "mommy2connor" on all her social media and suddenly that's all she is and all she tries to be. Yeah it's life changing, and now you have a life dependent on you, and it's noble and it's great and we need good mothers... but who are YOU? You can still be a mother and still be you! But hey, you do you girl.
The mommy blogs love to rant and rave about how exhausting life is, and how you give and give and aren't noticed and how you've done everything and have nothing left and you keep going blah blah blah. I mean I get it, but... this isn't a new invention. You're really not the only one doing this, people have been mothering for literally thousands of years, and there are millions of you around, and everyone seems to treat it like some unique struggle that the rest of the world needs to bow to. Being a mother is sacred and deserving... but stop it with your mommy blog. I don't know, maybe we're just over-saturated. And I'll re-iterate: a mommy with a blog is different than a Mommy Blog!
For the record, I'm not against mothering or children or bettering society. I would love to champion maternity leave (we have the most antiquated policy in the developed world and beyond... we're on par with Papua New Guinea. Go us.) and I don't mind breastfeeding in public at all. I'm not against mothers or babies or the species procreating and sustaining itself, I just don't need to listen to you yap on all day about what mothering is like and why you deserve a bar of gold and how you're bonding with your baby and your uterus lining is gluten free.
I'm sure in a great twist of irony, my 15 minutes of fame will be a mommy blog I end up starting. Until then... shush!
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