National Margarita Day

I was invited to a baby shower of my old coworker Antonella in San Diego on Saturday, and after not having seen her for years, I was very happy to be able to go! And of course, any excuse to be in San Diego for the weekend is fine by me.

I went down on Saturday morning and the baby shower was adorableeeee. It was jungle themed and everything was so precious, I even had a name tag with a little tiger on the side, the food was all labeled jungle things (like Swamp Water Sweet Tea) and it looked straight out of Pinterest. I got to see a few other coworkers I hadn't seen in awhile, and even made a new friend Carla who was super nice and cracking me up. I also was winning all the games to the point where I had to stop announcing my score. because I couldn't be that girl who won AGAIN. But to be fair, why would you play Celebrity Baby Name games with all these older women? Of course I'm going to win! Antonella was my rat friend and she took care of Mr Rat after I left San Diego for New York, so there were lots of rat gifts and I got socks with little rats on them and a soap dish. I love winning things!

After the baby shower it was down to the Gaslamp Quarter for fun and frivolity with Pam and Doug, no Priya since she was up in the Bay Area for her sister's birthday. Pam had told me that her and Doug's plan was just to watch the SDSU game that evening, so I was expecting a quiet-ish night in, but why would that ever be the case? As soon as she met me at the building entrance she told me that I was going to need to take 2 shots of whiskey to catch up to them, so that was the first order of business.

So we only hung out for a little bit before they announced we had to go out to the bars for National Margarita Day. Doug's parents met us too, as did Kunal, because apparently Doug's father's life revolves around margaritas and the countdown to celebrating National Margarita Day, so we all got getup in SDSU Aztec gear and headed out for celebrations.

Time was going by in a daze for me. I had had some white wine sangria at the baby shower, showed up to 3 shots of whiskey and a Coors light, then the margaritas. At some point we ended up back Pam's condo watching SDSU with Chinese takeout and more Coors light. At some point in time, Doug's parents and Kunal had left, and Doug was in a bad mood because SDSU had lost, so Pam suggested to cheer him up that we should play Power Hour. This is when you take a shot of beer every minute for an hour. We actually started doing this! ...and then when we realized it was useless because we were falling so far behind, we just made up a drinking game to The Office, and that was going well except we kept pausing it to talk... so then we decided to do Power Hour again, this time while playing Mario Wii (and dying every 2 seconds) and the next thing I knew I was waking up in Priya's room with my Game of Thrones book on my chest and my beer next to me and my glasses askew. What a good night!

I also found this picture on my phone from Power Hour, I think...?

We woke up and spent 2 minutes getting ready to head out in time to eat at the Boudin Bakery and then meet Doug's mom at the theatre for American Hustle. Spoiler alert: None of us were very impressed, and Jennifer Lawrence was horribly miscast and we can't believe she is nominated for that role. But I do like Amy Adams a lot more now!

We went back, watched the SNL episode with Jonah Hill hosting, then played more Mario Wii (we did better this time!) until we went to pick up Priya from the airport and I had to hit the road shortly thereafter.

I suppose I need to start devoting some time to studying for the last upcoming French test, but it's been hard to get motivated and besides, it was National Margarita Day! What else could you expect?

Monroe Tigers

I remember when I was into nostalgia...

...it was today. I don't do elementary school. I don't, I don't. But I haven't taken myself off the lists because I've been wanting to go back to my own, Monroe Elementary, and the day finally came!

Monroe Tigers ALWAYS WALK ON THAT DAMN LINE

It was creepy how normal it felt to be back there, like it hadn't been a day since I graduated 6th grade and being in that neighborhood, like I had gone back in time. But I parked in the parking lot (weird) and checked in at the office. And Mrs. Robinson was still there. And she remembered me!

I was in Room 18 in a 5th grade class. I never had that room myself, but they were all the same. I actually had Room 17 for 5th grade, so I was nearby. So much the same, like the library, and the bathrooms and the rooms, but all that change with the playground (no more US states map! and where is all the junkyard bare bars monkey bars and swingsets?!) and it was weird to be in the staff lounge, and see my 6th grade classroom that I was happy to go to every day, and my kindergarten classroom. I actually remember some of my first days being dropped off there in Room 3, sometimes crying because I didn't want my mom to leave. And my 2nd grade classroom Room 4, outside of which was the scene of where I met my best friend who forever changed my life, Alice.

The best mosaic in the world! This really represents Monroe to me

Room 4 with the open door

Room 22, my 6th grade class

The librizzle 

Room 3 at the very end, kindergarten!

The sad little playground, and there's only 2 pepper trees left!

As for the day, like I said, I don't do elementary school and I was wanting to pull my hair out before lunchtime (what else is new?), but we ended the day almost half an hour early to go to a kindergarten classroom for a Reading Buddies. It was cute to watch the 5th graders feel so big and important and interact with the kindergarteners. I had literally no interaction with the kinders. I helped watch the room, but anything I had to say I said to my 5th graders. And yet when the bell rang, I had kindergarteners crowding around me, hugging my legs and not letting me go anywhere, asking if I would be back next week. Uhhh wuuuut? They probably thought I "looked nice" (ha!) but I guess it means students like me better when I don't teach them, which is a relief because I haven't subbed for more classes than I have subbed for, so I guess the majority of the districts still love me. When I was packed up and leaving my classroom, the school was pretty empty and yet I heard a kid yelling down the hall "Excuse me! Are you the teacher who was in the Reading Buddies class?! Wait for me!" and he made me walk with him to the cafeteria and gave me a hug before he left. Haha!

And the kicker, my wood art project still proudly resides over the cafeteria doors! Man those colors have faded. But I'll never forget those! It was 6th grade and it was GATE project we would work on before school started with some artist man. I could rarely get to school on time let alone an hour early and was lucky to get there for the last 15 minutes. When it was the last week of working on them and mine wasn't done, I told the artist man and he actually berated me saying how could I expect to be done if I was never here and maybe if I were on time I would have something, but I won't have anything now. That set me off and I was determined to finish. We were only supposed to choose one word, and I ended up choosing "Friendship" and it was actually a make-up gesture to Alice, because we had been in a fight. What do 6th graders even fight about? I remember one when I got mad because she told me she was able to hack into my AOL account the night before, by guessing my password, which I vividly remember at the time was "sportyspice" which makes sense because in 6th grade, my entire life was gymnastics, cats and Spice Girls. Alice's, by the way, is in the bottom left corner, "Music is Universal".

1998 GATE project still around

Can you find the two cats by the setting sun??

Well that was my day and I thought I would finally be able to close the books on elementary school, but the office staff kept me forever, marveling about how I was a former student and making me relive stories and catch up, and then ended by asking for my number because they would love to have me back when something opened up. I didn't know how to say that I was only there for the novelty and didn't really want to come back, so I just gave them my number. It's probably what Tina from Bob's Burgers would have done.

Yoga Wednesdays

My long-time friend Marisa, who has been my partner in crime since middle school (and believe me, that was a lot of crime) and my tennis doubles partner for Ivy League and CIF competitions (we came back from 2-5 to win 7-5!) has since become a work-out buddy, and after mastering Mt Rubidoux and then Box Springs, we took to taking yoga classes once a week.

We decided to mix up our Yoga Thursdays and tried out a Yoga Wednesday, even though the class was a step up from the level we had been doing. The studio is nice enough, out in Redlands, and the teacher we had on Thursdays would play music throughout the session, which was a little surprising to me. I've only ever attended two yoga studios before this one, and I don't remember music being played except for at YogaWorks SoHo in New York City for restorative yoga and they had a live sitar player (you can't make this stuff up) but our Thursday teacher was playing the likes of Ke$ha and Rihanna, which somehow felt counterproductive to the whole mantra of yoga, I thought maybe some of my chakras were being misaligned.

Well the Wednesday Yoga teacher (who was actually just a sub, so who knows what it's really like) played music too (and even put on her little diva Jazzercise-esque microphone) but she put on the likes of The Doors and The Rolling Stones. Never thought I'd be doing yoga to that, but I found it pretty Sweet McSweeterson. And then to do savasana to Neil Young's Harvest Moon... well it was probably the highlight of my week. After the Girl Scout Cookies from Mr. Otis. But still a close second.

It did turn out to be a hot yoga class though, and Marisa and I were slipping off our mats and slipping each other WTF looks and we may or may not be considering finding a new class. Stay tuned.

Another Day Another Dollar

Today I subbed for a friend of mine. When I got to the classroom he had put the daily agenda on the board, which looked like this:

1. Review homework 20.1
2. Lecture notes 20.2
3. Ask Ms Kelley about the DeMint wedding
4. Find other work to work on

So that came up in every class. I almost forgot about the DeMint wedding where I stole the bride's thunder by accidentally fainting on stage as a bridesmaid right in the middle of the ceremony, but that's what good friends are for... reminding you and telling the whole world about it too.

I spent 6th period subbing for the soccer coach, who was out at a CIF soccer game, so I had maybe seven JV boys there. I checked them in, let them take off, and I laid out on the band platform in the middle of the field and read my Game of Thrones (Book 3: Storm of Swords!) to a background noise of cleats on asphalt, baseballs smacking leather gloves, surfacing shouts of "heads up!", pool splashes, basketballs bouncing off rims, and the shrieks, gossip and laughter of the school's athletes in the afternoon. It was quite nice.

Then I hear an "excuse me" and I lift my glasses and see another sub heading my way. I recognized him from the morning, about my age, checked in the same time as me and I noticed we passed each other in the hall later too. When he saw it was me up on the platform he apologized, saying he thought I was one of his students escaped, and I said it was okay, but he was still staring at me. He said I looked familiar. I couldn't say the same, so I didn't know what to say. He asked if I went to Cal Baptist University, but I didn't. Then he asked if I went to Arlington High and I had an enthusiastic "yes!" He said he graduated 2004 and I said I did too... he said that's where he knew me from and he knew my first and last name. He told me he even played baseball, and it seemed somewhat familiar, but we were consistently baseball state champions, so our players were mini celebrities (from whence came professional players Jojo Reyes and Lucas Duda!) but I still didn't really recognize him. I felt bad, but he was very friendly and we got to talk for awhile and hey, new friend on the circuit.

Valentine's Chemistry

Study the picture below and tell me what's wrong with it

If you guessed the fact that there's a phone number written up there, you were right! Now I'll explain.

This whole week was so draining having to teach chemistry to rambunctious high-schoolers free from an apparently neurotic teacher for a week. They were driving me crazy! I was constantly shushing them, constantly re-directing them, constantly calling for answers and getting "I don't know how to do it" and yet, and yet... they all had the nerve to say "You're so much better than our teacher. She never teaches like you, she never explains it like this!" and I would say "What are you talking about! I'm trying to teach and no one will listen! Are you sure you're learning??" and they would say "Our teacher is crazy, if you ask her a question she will just start talking for like 20 minutes about her life and stuff, so we just ask her random questions." So I would say: "So let me get this straight. You say your teacher gets off topic by your questions. So you purposely ask questions so you don't have to learn. And then you complain that she doesn't teach you? Is that correct? Do I have that right?" Their only response would be something like "But you're better!" Give me a break kiddos!

So by the end of the week (yesterday, they have today off) I was just exhausted. When 6th period came, I was having a very hard time keeping on keeping on, and they were my favorite class, and they just kept cracking me up and it was all I could do to keep us on track for the full 54 minutes. One kid Kyle apparently developed a crush on me (for entertainment purposes I'm sure) and while they were solving problems he asked "Miss K, what are you doing tomorrow?" I thought he just meant since they had the day off so I said "I'm not sure yet, why?" and he shouts out "Cause it's Valentine's Day, I'm going to take you to Olive Garden and buy you a necklace" and I said "Oh you know what, I think I'm going to be busy tomorrow..." and then later "Miss K, do you live in Riverside?" and I did think carefully but still answered "Yes, I do" and him: "Oh that's perfect, we don't even have to have a long distance relationship, my mom can pick you up to drive us to Olive Garden" and then me "Oh I think I'm moving to Mexico tomorrow..." everyone was laughing, and then questions just started coming out and I was too tired to think about chemistry and started answering:

Student 1: "How long did you live in France for?"
Me: "For a year"
Student 2: "Where did you live?"
Me: "In Bordeaux"
Student 3: "Where is that?"
Me: "In the southwest. It's where all the wine comes from"
Student 4: "So you're an alcoholic?!"
Me: "I never said that!"
Student 5: "...but you are? Do you like alcohol Miss K?"
Me: "Ummm, I don't think I can have this conversation with you guys"
Student 6: "That's a yes!"
Me: "We need to go back to chemistry! Chemistry!"
Kyle: "I'll go back to the chemistry between you and me Miss K"
Me: "Oh my God, I'm going to be on the news..."

So I gave them a detailed chemistry question that we were going to tag-team solve, but even that got lost for awhile

Student 1: "How can I find the molar mass of bacon?"
Me: "Bacon?!"
Student 1: "Yeah, what you wrote on the board"
Me: "That says boron. Boron, like what this class is for all of us"
Student 2: "Miss K, can you say it in French? Say something in French"
Me: "No, you guys need to sign up for French classes if you want that"
Class: "Pleeeeeeease Miss K! Say something in French!"
Me: "Vous cassez mon couer!" (You are all breaking my heart!)
Class: "What did you say?!"
Student 3: "Wait, say it again, I think I understood"
Me: "I said you all need to do problem 18"
Student 3: "Yep, I heard that!"

Then came the solving. I called a first student up to work something from the problem until I was satisfied or said it was enough, then I would let them tag team the next student up to continue solving the problem. They all thought it would be funny to call Kyle up so that he was up at the board for a long time, saying "Miss K, can you help me write this? Can you come next to me and point it out?" and I literally stayed on the opposite side of the room, and would call out from the other side "Now just multiply the moles given times the molar mass!" and he would say "I don't know how to do that on the calculator, can you come show me?" and again, this was 6th period, the last day of the week, the mental break was very welcome, I didn't even care. I whipped out my own calculator and said "I got 102.0 grams" and then him: "That's funny, because I got this number..." and then proceeded to write his phone number on the board and a heart underneath it. I was so relieved the bell finally rang, but I will still miss that class!

Thursdays are yoga days with Marisa, and on the way to her house (whilst practically falling asleep) I decided to drive to her place through the orange groves and marvel and how beautiful Riverside is.

 Absence (and lack of smog) surely have made my heart grow fonder!

Not-So-Typical Tuesday

Discipline, suggestive jokes, Spanish evangelizers... today was a really weird day.

I am back at my school until Thursday as a teacher, with two classes of geology, three classes of chemistry, and one indispensable break period. The geology classes are miserable, because the only work given was for them to write unit summaries for chapters, and try to make a class of high schoolers focus on bookwork for 4 days and let me know how it goes. That lack of structure or instruction probably makes me more miserable than them, but I truly do sympathize, and only half-heartedly get them on task, and look the other way when they are having conversations, working on other work or only faking it. But I hate their damn phones. I hate hate HATE them, and they are so strictly forbidden in classes, that it is somewhat offensive when they take them out, especially when I warn them I don't want phones out. I even let them listen to music as long as work is getting done, but say they better find a playlist and stick to it, because I don't want to see them constantly fiddling with phones. So one kid in particular (a real winner, let me start there) who was probably high, would not put his phone away despite numerous verbal warning. It came down to the confrontation. I went over there and it went something like this:

Me: "I'm not asking again. Give me your phone now, or put it away"
Student: "Oh hold up, my mom just texted me, I gotta get back to her"
Me: "Don't you dare touch your phone. Your mom knows that you are in school"
Student: "My mom doesn't give two shits"
Me: "Neither do I"
Student: "Tell that to my mom"
Me: "I'd be happy to"
Student: "Good luck"
Me: "I don't need luck, but you need an escort out of here. Get all your things"

Because I didn't have any referrals, I had to go up to the office later to write up the incident. I wasn't sure where to go, so I went to the sub supervisor, and she caught someone on his way out of the office and said "Why don't you follow that man?" he turned and said "What do you need?" and my supervisor said "She needs the discipline office" and again: "Yeah, but what do you need?" I said "I need discipline!" but his face didn't change or crack a smile, and I realized I should probably start saving all my jokes for Groundlings. "Sorry, I just need to write up a referral" and he led me out to where I needed go.

Chemistry was much, much better, because it included instruction and things to do for the class period instead of an empty period of bookwork. I was talking to Pam on the phone last night and when I told her I would be teaching chemistry, she was beside herself. "You're teaching chemistry? Is this what America has come to?!" So I took it upon myself to proudly show her a day's work. She said I probably paid a student to write that on the board for me and I told her my students couldn't even write their own names without a play-by-play.

Teaching was interesting because I had to constantly shush them, and was terrified to give them time to work out some problems on their own because I didn't think I'd ever get them back again, but I did. What was crazy was, in the middle of talking and trying to explain moles and representative particles, in a few classes, someone would shout out "I'm learning more from you than I've learned from my teacher all year" and I had so many mixed emotions. Like one, completely annoyed that they interrupted me. Two, shocked that they were learning anything because they were so rarely completely quiet. Three, an impulse to throw my whiteboard marker at their face and say maybe if they just listened they would learn lots from their teacher!

At the end of one class, one student came up to me and said he had a joke for me. I said okay, and he said "Has anyone ever got you naked?" and I was a little shocked into silence. Was the joke after this? Was I supposed to respond to this? I couldn't even think of a witty response that would be appropriate so I said "Ummm, I don't think I can hear this joke" and he said "What are you talking about? Don't you know those organic juice drinks Naked? Has anyone ever gotten you one of those before?" and I said "Oooookay that was a good one, I'll be sure to pass it on" so here is me passing it on.

On the way out of the staff restrooms I ran into an old classmate / teammate of mine that I hadn't seen since graduation, and who I learned was a teacher here now, which completely surprised me because I had no idea and thought I knew which of the teachers were former friends of mine. She and I got to talking and she told me her CSETs had been brutal. I had to ask, how many times did she have to take it? Do you know what she said? She, a science major from college taking the biology CSET, had to take it four times before she passed. Four! I got discouraged that I missed one test by four points, and she had to take the test four times! Golly gee, I really didn't give myself enough credit with those passes of mine! I guess what I'm saying is, I really shouldn't feel so bad if it takes me four times to pass that last one, but how the heck did I pass those other ones??

Driving home, I was stopped at a stoplight and went to check my phone that was blowing up from a San Diego group text and wanted to see what was going on. My windows were down, so I was able to hear someone talking to me. (Fun fact: I always opt for windows over AC as long as possible) and so I muted my music and said "Huh?" it was a Hispanic man in a run-down red pickup truck leaning out who went off in a slough of Spanish. I really tried to understand, but I couldn't. I figured he must only speak Spanish because why lead off with that? (Of course, it seems every day I am more and more finding I am not thought to be Caucasian, so I should get used to it) so I just called out "Sorry, I don't speak Spanish" so he said in accented English instead: "Jesus Christ is coming soon, you need to be ready" and the light turned green and it felt weird to just drive off so I said "Thank you" and he nodded and drove off too. I didn't get it. Was I profiled? Was it cause I was looking at my phone? Was it the Of Monsters and Men music playing loudly? Did he think I was someone else? Was he telling this to everyone he passed, because I saw him at the next stoplight but I didn't see him talking. Just friendly conversation? So I guess I should pass that too, my friends: Jesus Christ is coming son and you need to be ready.

And, to end the blog as nicely as I end most of my days:

Me and Khaleesi Bug cuddled and asleep for an afternoon cat nap today. Just a couple of kittens.

Two for Three

The big day came and I got my results: I passed 2 of the 3 French tests! I missed the last one by 4 points. Four points! What a ripoff. I needed a 220 and I got a 216. Rude! I almost wish I would have really bombed it so I would just know I really sucked at that and really need to work on it, but being on the cusp is so frustrating - like what question could I have changed to have passed it entirely?? Oh well, I went in pretty cold and didn't expect to pass any, so this is a great start, and, as I told Jayna: I am now two steps closer to being the world's best French teacher. Mignonne French teacher, she corrected me.

I have a job all week at my old high school in chemistry. That means that I am not babysitting - I have to actually teach chemistry this week. A neighboring teacher came in and gave me the books, chapters and lessons for the week. I always knew molar mass would come back to haunt me. God save the chemistry students.

We Still Need French

This is going to be a very self-serving move, but someone I know posted this, and I sure have to support it, if nothing else for possible future job security, but I really do believe most of it!

If you needed reasons to teach your children French, here are seven of them.

The person who posted this is a Romanian-born, Swedish raised, French citizen, who also speaks English. If that isn't someone whose linguistic opinion you can trust, I don't know who else you can.

It's The Dream

I always love being at my alma mater. I always loved my time there, loved being a lion, and love going back. I love the memories and I love knowing the school inside and out, love knowing the staff, so it's always a goal to get jobs here. I also always love doing French classes, because language classes are generally tame, they love speaking French, and I love helping them with French. So doing the French class at my alma mater... that's the dream! And it's what I got to do today.

The French teacher that I had, as far as I know, had been there since the school opened in the early 70s, and my graduating class was her last year (sadface!) so the first time I was back at Arlington, I went and introduced myself to her and said I would love it if she would keep me in mind if she ever needed a sub. She said that she was rarely out, but took my information... and the gamble paid off! She called me yesterday and we were able to set it up for today.

My God if these walls could talk. I had to take a picture and send it to my friends from the class (we all went from French 1 to French 4 together and became a very close knit group, way too comfortable for our good, cause a lot of damage and ruckus in that room!) and that mural painted on the back has been blinded into my mind, and that small blue and white cupboard has been there since my days too. The room used to be arranged as a huge U around the perimeter and then groups and circular tables in the middle, and I sat at the top right corner and would always have to go straight past that cupboard, and always bang my legs against it.

The classes were great today. I would jokingly scold them for not speaking any French so one boy raised his hand and said "Excusez-moi. Vous etes tres mignon" (Excuse me, you are very cute) and I was half a mind to scold him and tell him that was inappropriate, but the other half was proud that he knew some French and used it, so I all I did was correct him. "Mignonne, monsieur. Mignonne pour des femmes" (Cute, sir. Cute [with an 'ne'] for women).

There was also a pep rally assembly I had to take them to which was hilarious to me, but cute to watch, and when they were cheering for their classes and years and the senior, class of '14 shouted it out as "1-4" I realized it had been ten years since I was up there shouting "0-4!" eek.

It was a good Friday.

Sebastian's Monster Bash

Yesterday I made it to Sebastian's Monster Bash for his first birthday, and it was exceedingly cute. Of course the first picture I receive of anything was the bar from my sister, in typical family fashion

So I was surprised to see all the cute decorations everywhere that she neglected to send to me! They did a good job decorating and tailoring the theme for monsters, and those monster eye cookies were so good I ended up with a stomachache for the rest of the night from all the fondant I decided to swallow.

After this, my mom and I went to grandma's to help her get set up for the week. She asked if I would be going home with my mom and my mom said she would be dropping me off, or hoping she'd drop me off, to which grandma said "yeah, on her head" and then laughed at her own joke. She's getting feisty this one!

And somehow I ended up adopting a monster, so here's my new monster Snaggletooth.

Also, this Super Bowl (or Superb Owl, thanks Stephen Colbert!) seems like Snooze Fest 48 to me, but whatever. I don't care who wins but I guess I'm going for the Broncos cause I have a friend who will self destruct if they lose.

I think I'll dress in all black today to mourn the death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I loved him! What a shame he's gone so soon.

Classroom to Classroom

I am starting to think that I need to start a new blog solely for the express purpose of documenting my days subbing. I feel like I shouldn't bring them all here every time, but they're really some of the more entertaining parts of my days.

Firstly, the classrooms alone can be quite fascinating, and I see it all, from the former sorority-girl teacher with bordered walls and framed posters, to the bareboned math teacher's class who is clearly only here to coach football but has giant life-sized Halloween monsters greeting you at the door inside. The brand-new elementary school teacher who has personalized everythings and degrees on the wall, to the messiest, ugliest, most unorganized classrooms that make me wonder how anything is ever taught to the kids. That's why this poster I found was so endearing. I was at King High School in Riverside and the room seemed really bare, but the vaulted ceiling also went up two levels, which didn't help. It was a man's classroom, and judging by awards and pictures and gifts, he was (or had been) a water polo coach, so of course certain ideas come to mind, but let me tell you... it was a science class so he had extra rooms for labs and storage and I noticed in a hidden corner there was an old, comfortable recliner that looked up onto this sweet poster on the wall. You think you know a person!

And some classrooms are the PE fields where I get to sit in the sun and watch the hikers on Mt Rubidoux

Yesterday I was in a middle school class and they had to take notes on a Biography Channel video documenting the 100 most influential people of the past millennium and it was super interesting. The video was longer than the classes so they never watched it the whole way through, but I finished it on my lunch because I was so interested in it, and it was amazing how both predictable and unpredictable the classes could be. When Marco Polo came up, someone took it upon themselves to yell "Marco!" and the rest of the class would answer "Polo!" in every. single. class. When it was William the Conqueror and they mentioned he was a "bastard son of a French duke" they all giggled uncontrollably and asked if they could write that down. Maybe I have been desensitized to the word from all of my Game of Thrones reading, but I said they could, that it was a fact, it was the true definition of the word, and as long as they used it in appropriate context, it was okay. When they introduced the next figure saying "he set sail..." everyone in every class would shout out "Christopher Columbus!" so immediately and so loud they didn't hear the rest of the sentence, that he set sail in 1519 (and wasn't in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue? They probably wouldn't have put that together anyway) and were all let down to find it was really Ferdinand Magellan. Everyone commented on the creepiness of Niccolo Machiavelli's face. By the end of the day I knew exactly what was coming and was just waiting for it.

But there was one class who really surprised me. Elvis Presley was announced on the video and someone knew that he died on the toilet. Someone shouted "he died on the toilet!" and someone answered "no, he died next to the toilet" and someone else "yeah, he slipped and just died next to it" and then someone else shouting out "he slipped on his poop!" and I accidentally laughed.

On a completely unrelated note, that teacher also had a cat skull in her cabinet.

Oh, and this is a great story of gossip. I was (happily!) in a high school French class earlier this week. Per usual, I would greet them and introduce myself in French, then ask them if I can speak to them in French (in French), ask if they can understand enough. The last French class I did that in looked at me open mouthed and didn't even understand that much, so I had to speak in English, but this class actually understood and did pretty well! They would even ask to use the restroom in French (which was also more than we ever did in my own high school classes), but as the class went on and they got more tired of trying, we pretty much ended up in English. They asked if I was from France, and I said nope, from right here in good ol' Riverside. They asked if my ethnicity was French and I said I didn't have a drop of French blood in me that I was aware of. They asked how I learned and I said I studied really hard in high school and college (only half a lie) and spent a year living there. By the end of the day, I was starting the last class, introduced myself, and I heard someone say "Oh yeah, she's from Paris and she doesn't speak any English" and I even stopped what I was saying to laugh and say "wait, what?!" that's what ended up becoming of my reputation. I guess it's better that than having gone the other way, like, I was gutter rat who learned French in a kitchen and only ate snails and baguettes. So, I'll take it.