The Perks of Being a Wallflower

My legs hurt. I rode my bike yesterday. It's my orange beach cruiser I got for my birthday my senior year in college from my boyfriend at the time because mine had just been stolen. Or maybe he got it for me just because. I can't really remember. I've never really had ample opportunity to ride it since Santa Barbara. I rode it to Dairy Queen, sat outside with my blizzard and read The Perks of Being a Wallflower. On the way back, I realized I could ride for much longer, so I did. It's a nice place to ride out here in SoCal because there is a lot of space, such sweeping views of the mountains and valley and you pass by the dairy farms and see cows and everything. If things were closer I would bike everywhere, but they're not, so I'm still desperate for a car. Anyway, I had a new playlist of recent music, and I just kept going. Jay-Z's Holy Grail, Capital Cities' Safe and Sound, Macklemore's Same Love, Daft Punk's Lose Yourself To Dance. The sun was setting. I just kept riding and listening to the music and trying not to think. I was riding until it was pretty dark. I even circled around the housing complex a few times until there was nothing left to do but go home.

On Friday I substitute taught for a class of 5th graders. They were a pretty good group, and I enjoyed my time with them, even though it required some improvising on my part. The school required that I kept the classroom door locked at all times and that I be the one to open for any knocks, and that students had to travel in pairs to go anywhere. It's necessary and I get it, it's just sad how much has changed since I was in school.

Saturday was Izaak's first birthday party! It was hot, but nice to see everyone and celebrate the super hero way!

Cousins at the party! ...minus Tawny, Mychele, Tori, Sam, Sebastian and Izaak the birthday boy!

On Sunday morning, I hiked Mount Rubidoux for the first time with a friend from high school that just moved back to Riverside after a good nine years too, and hadn't hiked it either! He and I had met up last week for drinks and even ran into more people from high school. Really what amazed me was that neither of us had done this hike before. We met at the base at 7:30am and man was it a popular idea! It was getting warm but it was nice and bright and beautiful.

After I came home from that I hung out with Kathleen, and relaxed and she went to work and that was when I went for my bike ride. So yesterday was pretty active. This morning I was hoping to be called in for a subbing position but wasn't, so I finished reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower. Here were some of the passages I liked from it that I feel like sharing:

January 1, 1992
I guess what I'm trying to say is that this all feels very familiar. But it’s not mine to be familiar about. I just know that another kid has felt this. ...And all the books you’ve read had been read by other people. And all the songs you’ve loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that’s pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing “unity.”

March 28, 1992
I would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know that I gave it to them.
My sister tried to clarify these things. She said that by introducing me to all these great things, Mary Elizabeth gained a “superior position” that she wouldn’t need if she was confident about herself. She also said that people who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don’t, nothing will work out the way they want.

April 29, 1992
It suddenly dawned on me that if Michael were still around, Susan probably wouldn’t be “going out” with him anymore. Not because she’s a bad person or shallow or mean. But because things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.

June 22, 1992
It’s strange the times people choose to be generous.

So, tomorrow I’m leaving. And I’m not going to let that happen again with anyone else. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is. But right now I’m here with you.

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And can't forget to take any opportunity to share how cute my little Khaleesi Del Taco is. She's a tough nut at times but she's coming around.

Tomorrow I am subbing for a class of 3rd graders. Yikes!