Adventures in Substitute Teaching: Intro

What would this blog all be worth if not for sharing the best of the best that happens in substitute teaching? I've been able to sub a lot more regularly now, which is helpful for many reasons. However, after classes of 3rd and 5th graders so far, I am really seeing how elementary school is sooooo not my forte. To be clear, I already knew this, but being in these situations just reinforces it. They don't exactly have a developed sense of sarcasm yet, and it is amazing to me how they need to be treated exactly like children. That should be obvious, but I guess I've been out of elementary school for too long now. Here are some of my "Wow. Okay." moments:

Me: Who can tell me which vocabulary word matches this definition? The process by which a plant removes waste from the water through tiny holes in the leaves.
Some Kid: It's transportation.
Me: Transportation? Or.... transpiration?
Kid: Yeah, the second one.
Me: Transpiration.
Kid: Right, transportation.
Me: Tran-SPIR-ation
Kid: Transsssportation
Me: Tran-SPIR-ation
Kid: Transsssportation
Me: Right.

Girl in Class Raises her hand.
Me: Yes?
Girl: I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: Can it wait until recess?
Girl: Yes.
Me: Okaaaaaay then, let's do that.

Boy in class comes up to my desk.
Me: Are you okay?
Boy: My stomach hurts.
Me: I'm sorry. Do you need to go to the nurse?
Boy: No.
Me: Is there anything I can do for you?
Boy: No.
Me: Okay, do you think you can still do your work for now and maybe wait until lunch to see if you feel better?
Boy: Yes.
Me: Okaaaaaay then. (In my head: thanks for the play-by-play?)

And here's a great example of how they only operate under strict structure:
Me: Okay, Row 1 may line up for recess.
ENTIRE CLASS: "WHAT ROW? OUR ROWS ARE CALLED GROUPS!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
...and I realize they have no intellect or critical thinking skills... or any thinking skills at all.

In elementary schools we start our mornings going over PBS's which are Positive Behavior Support (or something) and each day we go over the social norms and etiquettes for certain things, such as how we ask for permission. And thank God too, because kids today clearly aren't getting these at home. On Thursday it was how to appropriately use the bathroom, which includes things like using quiet voices, keeping water in the sink, throwing trash in the trash cans and flushing the toilet. I was like... seriously? And it is SO HARD to stand up there with a straight face and be serious in front of 34 pairs of eyes looking for instruction and guidance from me!

I mean, if you need advice on how to stay street-smart in Harlem, or how to blow off creepy guys in bars, or how to make friends at trivia night, I could stand up there til the cows come home. But things like how to use the restroom and reminding them how we take a test and keep our hands to ourselves is just not really my strong suit. I may let onto this when I walked my class out to lunch on Thursday, and me and the other 5th grade teacher stood by our doors and yelled after our respective classes to walk, and stay on the line, and leave spaces inbetween. This sweet old woman whispered for me to hear "Aren't they just so cute?" And my response was "Yeah. But thank goodness for the weekend, right?" I don't think that was the response she was expecting.

I was worried I wasn't good with kids at all, but on Friday I met up with a friend and one of her two boys in downtown Riverside to go walking and play at the playground. Afterwards we went back to her house and ate and did some crafty things with her son before he went down for a nap, and I was having the best time with him! We were making Cheerio necklaces and it's not like he didn't need discipline, but it's suuuuuuch a different role raising a kid at home than maintaining a learning environment of 30+ crazy kids who roll into mob mentality at the drop of a hat.

Last night I went out with my cousin Brianna and her friend Jen and Jen's friend Vanessa to The Ranch in Anaheim. I have to say that line dancing and that whole country scene is again not my strong suit, but it sounded more appealing than staying in with Netflix after the week I had had, so I went.

I was saved, really saved! when they put on Wobble Baby during the band's break. It was the best jam of the night and kept me going until they closed. I have this great gift of the Power Nap. If I feel like I am on my deathbed and going to die or collapse of exhaustion before a night out, give me 15 minutes and I wake up good as new for another 6 hours out. In that same way, put me in a country music bar, give me one good Wobble, and I can stay out til closing. Of course, no telling what would have happened without the Wobble...! I thought the live band should prove themselves. I just wanted to hear Daft Punk, even if it came out on a banjo. Was that too much to ask? The answer is yes, yes it was.