Happy Birthday Sophie, Love, 4

My biggest baby is 4 years old! I'm not so shocked with how big and able she's getting, I was marveling it as it was happening - her coordination and motor skills growing, her speech developing, her communication, her abilities and shedding her little toddler tummy, but it's been fun discovering what this 4 year old can do.

She's been very excited about turning 4 and I still haven't found the way to communicate to her that yes, she'll be 4 when she moves up a grade, but she's not switching classes now just because she turned 4.

This kid CLEANED UP this year. I guess it's not out of the realm for a young kid but omg we are swimming in gifts and celebrations!

I don't remember why I was so exhausted, but staying up Thursday night was a chore to set up the house for her birthday morning. The golden curtains, the Bluey balloons, the giant 4 balloon, and my personal favorite was arranging out stuffed Bluey family in party hats around her wooden toy birthday cake, with a collection of other stuffies nearby in their party hats too.

I also changed out the coloring paper on top of the coffee table and wrote SOPHIE IS 4! And when we asked her if she could tell what it said she said "Yeah! It says 'Happy Birthday Sophie, Love, 4" and that was one of my favorites. 

AJ made her a special waffles for breakfast and I let her go to school in a Minnie dress that was honestly probably a little too big for her, but I felt it was more festive than the black pants and NASA shirt that she wanted to wear (she is obsessed with that NASA shirt and I'm not against but also like wut lol)

I had my work cut out that day and I barely got by, baking her cake for that night and then AJ and I met at her school to celebrate with her class, which was... interesting lol but it was cute to interact with them all. I had taken Sophie to the store to pick the decorations for her school party and despite having unicorns, mermaids, Minnie Mouse, Frozen and more, she still landed in Bluey. Obviously she likes Bluey, but honestly I would have put money on mermaids or Frozen, she really loves those things more (or so I thought).

School director having their mascot
say Happy Birthday to Sophie but she
wasn't really having it lol

School was over for the day at that point and we took Sophie with us to go run an errand at AAA. My friend was on her way to our house to drop off a birthday gift for Sophie (because I told her we weren't home) and I actually recognized her license plate in front of us so we were able to facilitate an in-person drop off in a parking lot ha!

Sophie came with me to pick up Summer. She had asked me to let her old daycare provider know that it was her birthday that morning, which I did. When Sophie came with me to pick up Summer, the daycare lady actually had a present ready for Sophie, which was so unnecessary but so sweet!

We spent the evening at Boomers with cousins and one set of Sophie's godparents. We put together a good enough time for Sophie, I mean, she won a prize from the claw machine all by herself! I was quite impressed. 

We went home for pizza and cake and by God the kids went nuts over the alien slime prize that Sophie and Bryce collected with the game tickets.

The presents she got, that I can remember, were a purse-like Princess activity book, a cleaning set (brooms, etc - she does love those), a bracelet, Elsa shoes, endless pjs, so many pjs, the DJ Catnip Music Room for her Gabby's Dollshouse, Chutes & Ladders, and a mermaid tail blanket. She actually had such a great time that I don't think she even ate any of her own cake.

The next day we went and met Auntie Sasha halfway from her place in LA in north Orange County, wandered around a nice park with a Kobe & Gigi tribute, and discovered the most magical and fun cafe!

At this meeting, Sophie collected more birthday goods - a Hello Kitty lunchbox and Bluey beach scene figurines. Even Summer got a gift from the Ms. Rachel toy collection.

On Sunday, grandpa Mark came over to celebrate, and on top of a nice dinner with tiramisu cake, Sophie got more gifts, and even I got some nice winter socks lol

On Monday, me, Sophie and Summer had it off so we took my mom up on her offer to go to Knott's and omg what was I thinking - it was a holiday and it was packed! But Sophie had a great time with her cousins and that's really what matters! (This is what I tell myself).

And Gangy and Grandpa Jim bought her more bithday gifts - she chose a Snoopy shirt and a personalized kids mug with the Peanuts characters on it. I think this will be a perfect year to introduce her to A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Okay, I think her birthday is finally done this year!

Dear Carson,

The last time I remember seeing you was at Courtney's wedding, in March 2009. Before that, I couldn't tell you.

We only became friends because I was friends with Ryan. In fact, he and I were such great friends, that he wanted me to come to the senior prom, and because I was a freshman, and because he not only already had a date (and also that we were explicitly not interested in each other like that) he came up with some elaborate plan for you to take me as your date, and it worked. We all had so much fun that night. I still remember it every time I take my daughter to the Aquarium of the Pacific and stand underneath the giant whale. I can still remember dancing there under the strobe lights.

You were so much fun, and you were funny. We did a lot together the rest of that school year after prom, and all that summer. You gave me copies of your senior photos, including the one with your dog Bear. Courtney and I would call you Scotty Dog because of that photo (and the red hair didn't hurt either). 

I can still spot a 1966 Ford Mustang because of your shiny red one that you were so proud of. I remember your old Ford Bronco with the soccer ball sticker on the back. Your AIM screenname was AlexiLawless because you loved the soccer star Alexi Lalas. I still think of you when he's commentating on soccer games. I don't even remember what my own AIM screenname was at that time (I went through quite a few LOL).

I went to your graduation with Courtney. It was the last graduation at Arlington before they moved it to the Ramona stadium. 

You were obsessed with the number 5. Made sense with your last name. I'm glad I'm writing this on the 5th, although that wasn't predetermined. Call it divine coincidence.

The summer of 2001 was so many trips to the beach, back when we could get there in 30 minutes tops because there wasn't endless traffic on the 91 and 55 freeways. There were a lot of hangouts at people's homes up in Orangecrest. It was a fun summer. I think that's when Order 52 was made, the band (and accompanying website) to make fun of Mark's actual band Table 25. I still remember that ultra-early internet HTML website in black and red. What a time to be alive!

On September 11, 2001, Ryan picked me up in the evening and took me to a house where everyone was hanging out, most of you in a jacuzzi. It was the first time I felt safe that day. I remember you doing a Christopher Walken impression. Christopher Walken had been the last host of Saturday Night Live, in a time when we couldn't look up episodes on demand. 

In the summer of 2004, I flew out to Phoenix for a few days to visit with you and Chris. You were both living there; Chris was working and you were going to college, and you taught me the pronunciation of Tempe. Say it like there are two e's at the end. There were a few more hangouts here and there, but they get hazy.

In March 2009 I was living in San Diego, and I drove up for Courtney's wedding. Her and I were so  inseparable for a lot of high school, but it had been so long since we had really met up or talked or hung out. I was so excited to go to her wedding. You caught the garter, and I actually wouldn't have remembered that if it wasn't for the photo that Courtney posted the other day.

That must have been the last time I saw you in person.

I saw you from afar, through the Internet after that, through friends and friends of friends' pages and pictures and updates. The parties and afternoons and weddings, including your own (of course you got married in a kilt).

The truth is that I don't remember the last time I even had a passing thought of you, but an educated guess would be something like in the past few years, perhaps seeing you in someone's photo or maybe hearing from someone that reminded me of you. And then on Sunday night I get a message that you passed away and all of this just floods me.

I don't mean to make this about me, but this happens, and it's always so unexpected, and it's making me realize how far away these good times have become, how old the good memories that we had have gotten, and how far removed we're becoming to such formative times.

In this case, in the absence of real details and hearing how thing had been going, it's becoming more and more sad to think about how complicated and complex and hard life gets after some of those earlier years, and that's part of what makes it all so hard. It seems to serve as a reminder to a lot of us still here that even when it's been years, and no matter how briefly our lives intersected, there's usually still a mark, people still care, people still reminisce, people will miss you. I will miss you. I wish I could tell you goodbye in person.

Thank you for the things you have left me with.

Love,
Kristin

To think I thought you looked old here once upon a time!

That limo was the height of fun in those days

Okay not Carson, but he was a huge fixture in the
Me & Courtney days. She reminded me of the time
we threw a bunch of carrots in his front yard. We 
were allowed to because she was a redhead too lol

Random assortment of photos he was in that I found.
Graduation, bonfires, movies, on the high school campus
toward the end of the school year

I literally have no idea but I know with certainty this
photo was directed by Ryan and led by Carson