The last time I remember seeing you was at Courtney's wedding, in March 2009. Before that, I couldn't tell you.
We only became friends because I was friends with Ryan. In fact, he and I were such great friends, that he wanted me to come to the senior prom, and because I was a freshman, and because he not only already had a date (and also that we were explicitly not interested in each other like that) he came up with some elaborate plan for you to take me as your date, and it worked. We all had so much fun that night. I still remember it every time I take my daughter to the Aquarium of the Pacific and stand underneath the giant whale. I can still remember dancing there under the strobe lights.
You were so much fun, and you were funny. We did a lot together the rest of that school year after prom, and all that summer. You gave me copies of your senior photos, including the one with your dog Bear. Courtney and I would call you Scotty Dog because of that photo (and the red hair didn't hurt either).
I can still spot a 1966 Ford Mustang because of your shiny red one that you were so proud of. I remember your old Ford Bronco with the soccer ball sticker on the back. Your AIM screenname was AlexiLawless because you loved the soccer star Alexi Lalas. I still think of you when he's commentating on soccer games. I don't even remember what my own AIM screenname was at that time (I went through quite a few LOL).
I went to your graduation with Courtney. It was the last graduation at Arlington before they moved it to the Ramona stadium.
You were obsessed with the number 5. Made sense with your last name. I'm glad I'm writing this on the 5th, although that wasn't predetermined. Call it divine coincidence.
The summer of 2001 was so many trips to the beach, back when we could get there in 30 minutes tops because there wasn't endless traffic on the 91 and 55 freeways. There were a lot of hangouts at people's homes up in Orangecrest. It was a fun summer. I think that's when Order 52 was made, the band (and accompanying website) to make fun of Mark's actual band Table 25. I still remember that ultra-early internet HTML website in black and red. What a time to be alive!
On September 11, 2001, Ryan picked me up in the evening and took me to a house where everyone was hanging out, most of you in a jacuzzi. It was the first time I felt safe that day. I remember you doing a Christopher Walken impression. Christopher Walken had been the last host of Saturday Night Live, in a time when we couldn't look up episodes on demand.
In the summer of 2004, I flew out to Phoenix for a few days to visit with you and Chris. You were both living there; Chris was working and you were going to college, and you taught me the pronunciation of Tempe. Say it like there are two e's at the end. There were a few more hangouts here and there, but they get hazy.
In March 2009 I was living in San Diego, and I drove up for Courtney's wedding. Her and I were so inseparable for a lot of high school, but it had been so long since we had really met up or talked or hung out. I was so excited to go to her wedding. You caught the garter, and I actually wouldn't have remembered that if it wasn't for the photo that Courtney posted the other day.
That must have been the last time I saw you in person.
I saw you from afar, through the Internet after that, through friends and friends of friends' pages and pictures and updates. The parties and afternoons and weddings, including your own (of course you got married in a kilt).
The truth is that I don't remember the last time I even had a passing thought of you, but an educated guess would be something like in the past few years, perhaps seeing you in someone's photo or maybe hearing from someone that reminded me of you. And then on Sunday night I get a message that you passed away and all of this just floods me.
I don't mean to make this about me, but this happens, and it's always so unexpected, and it's making me realize how far away these good times have become, how old the good memories that we had have gotten, and how far removed we're becoming to such formative times.
In this case, in the absence of real details and hearing how thing had been going, it's becoming more and more sad to think about how complicated and complex and hard life gets after some of those earlier years, and that's part of what makes it all so hard. It seems to serve as a reminder to a lot of us still here that even when it's been years, and no matter how briefly our lives intersected, there's usually still a mark, people still care, people still reminisce, people will miss you. I will miss you. I wish I could tell you goodbye in person.
Thank you for the things you have left me with.
Love,
Kristin
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| To think I thought you looked old here once upon a time! |
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| That limo was the height of fun in those days |
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| Okay not Carson, but he was a huge fixture in the Me & Courtney days. She reminded me of the time we threw a bunch of carrots in his front yard. We were allowed to because she was a redhead too lol |
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| Random assortment of photos he was in that I found. Graduation, bonfires, movies, on the high school campus toward the end of the school year |
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| I literally have no idea but I know with certainty this photo was directed by Ryan and led by Carson |
