Dear Carson,

The last time I remember seeing you was at Courtney's wedding, in March 2009. Before that, I couldn't tell you.

We only became friends because I was friends with Ryan. In fact, he and I were such great friends, that he wanted me to come to the senior prom, and because I was a freshman, and because he not only already had a date (and also that we were explicitly not interested in each other like that) he came up with some elaborate plan for you to take me as your date, and it worked. We all had so much fun that night. I still remember it every time I take my daughter to the Aquarium of the Pacific and stand underneath the giant whale. I can still remember dancing there under the strobe lights.

You were so much fun, and you were funny. We did a lot together the rest of that school year after prom, and all that summer. You gave me copies of your senior photos, including the one with your dog Bear. Courtney and I would call you Scotty Dog because of that photo (and the red hair didn't hurt either). 

I can still spot a 1966 Ford Mustang because of your shiny red one that you were so proud of. I remember your old Ford Bronco with the soccer ball sticker on the back. Your AIM screenname was AlexiLawless because you loved the soccer star Alexi Lalas. I still think of you when he's commentating on soccer games. I don't even remember what my own AIM screenname was at that time (I went through quite a few LOL).

I went to your graduation with Courtney. It was the last graduation at Arlington before they moved it to the Ramona stadium. 

You were obsessed with the number 5. Made sense with your last name. I'm glad I'm writing this on the 5th, although that wasn't predetermined. Call it divine coincidence.

The summer of 2001 was so many trips to the beach, back when we could get there in 30 minutes tops because there wasn't endless traffic on the 91 and 55 freeways. There were a lot of hangouts at people's homes up in Orangecrest. It was a fun summer. I think that's when Order 52 was made, the band (and accompanying website) to make fun of Mark's actual band Table 25. I still remember that ultra-early internet HTML website in black and red. What a time to be alive!

On September 11, 2001, Ryan picked me up in the evening and took me to a house where everyone was hanging out, most of you in a jacuzzi. It was the first time I felt safe that day. I remember you doing a Christopher Walken impression. Christopher Walken had been the last host of Saturday Night Live, in a time when we couldn't look up episodes on demand. 

In the summer of 2004, I flew out to Phoenix for a few days to visit with you and Chris. You were both living there; Chris was working and you were going to college, and you taught me the pronunciation of Tempe. Say it like there are two e's at the end. There were a few more hangouts here and there, but they get hazy.

In March 2009 I was living in San Diego, and I drove up for Courtney's wedding. Her and I were so  inseparable for a lot of high school, but it had been so long since we had really met up or talked or hung out. I was so excited to go to her wedding. You caught the garter, and I actually wouldn't have remembered that if it wasn't for the photo that Courtney posted the other day.

That must have been the last time I saw you in person.

I saw you from afar, through the Internet after that, through friends and friends of friends' pages and pictures and updates. The parties and afternoons and weddings, including your own (of course you got married in a kilt).

The truth is that I don't remember the last time I even had a passing thought of you, but an educated guess would be something like in the past few years, perhaps seeing you in someone's photo or maybe hearing from someone that reminded me of you. And then on Sunday night I get a message that you passed away and all of this just floods me.

I don't mean to make this about me, but this happens, and it's always so unexpected, and it's making me realize how far away these good times have become, how old the good memories that we had have gotten, and how far removed we're becoming to such formative times.

In this case, in the absence of real details and hearing how thing had been going, it's becoming more and more sad to think about how complicated and complex and hard life gets after some of those earlier years, and that's part of what makes it all so hard. It seems to serve as a reminder to a lot of us still here that even when it's been years, and no matter how briefly our lives intersected, there's usually still a mark, people still care, people still reminisce, people will miss you. I will miss you. I wish I could tell you goodbye in person.

Thank you for the things you have left me with.

Love,
Kristin

To think I thought you looked old here once upon a time!

That limo was the height of fun in those days

Okay not Carson, but he was a huge fixture in the
Me & Courtney days. She reminded me of the time
we threw a bunch of carrots in his front yard. We 
were allowed to because she was a redhead too lol

Random assortment of photos he was in that I found.
Graduation, bonfires, movies, on the high school campus
toward the end of the school year

I literally have no idea but I know with certainty this
photo was directed by Ryan and led by Carson

Flying Flags and My Third Nephew!

Even though we always book this trip a year in advance, our annual Flying Flags camping trip always seems to sneak up on me somehow and then it's over in a flash. It's always such a good time and they really do great going hard on Halloween, I feel like if that was the only Halloweening we did it would be enough.

Of course, before Flying Flags, we repeated last year's funtivity by doing Boo at the Zoo...

Sophie being Elsa, although she
didn't care to wear her Elsa braid

Reusing our beekeeper and bee costumes

A happy little bee!

Even Kiwi got into the Halloween spirit. It was actually the night we came home from Boo at the Zoo I heard Kiwi at the front door and went to let him in, only to see him with a recently caught toy... a friggin bat!!! That was fun. At one point I opened the screen because Kiwi was distanced enough and I tried to lure him in away from the bat but instead, the bat almost flew in and I freaked out lol.

The bat didn't make it (why is Kiwi so cruel??) and we called animal control. We ended up having to get him a rabies booster (even though he just had his rabies shot in September - what's the point??), and quarantine him until we got results back from the lab that would be testing the bat for rabies. On Wednesday we got the great news that the bat tested negative (yay!) and Kiwi was released. For the record, if they bat had tested positive, he would have needed to be quarantined for much longer and we would have been contacted by epidemiology for next steps. So glad it tested negative (for lots of reasons obviously lol). 

This was Kiwi at the door when we
were talking to animal control and they
were taking his prize away lol

The drive up to the Central Coast is torturous for so many reasons. It's long, even for adults, because from where we are we have to go through LA and just - ugh. Add in kids to that (especially ones that you thought would pass out in the evening but never did) and then the nostalgia of having gone to college there and how absolutely lovely it is, there's always so many emotions! We decided to just go as soon as we could (after work and school) and just white knuckle it through the rush hour because we just wanted to get there, so it was quite a drive, and quite a relief to get there, even if it was 10pm.

The girls caught a great second wind as we got into our safari tent and went nuts. This campsite has every offering imaginable - RV spaces, airstream rentals, different types of cottages and tents, and we've stayed in a lot of them and honestly, might be a hot take, but the safari tents are my favorite. They feel kinda Indiana Jones-y to me, you really get the tent feel but it's totally climate controlled and has beds. I love that they have their own little area with the grass and firepits and I love the safari theme. 

There was a little camaraderie by the firepit, but I pretty much crashed putting the girls down, who were amped up (Sophie) and a little unsettled with the newness (Summer).

In the morning, Sophie was so, so excited to make friends with Charlie. Even though it was their third year there together, Sophie had no memory of the previous trips lol and they were such fast friends, and they're a the perfect age of their self socializing which was precious.

We did bike riding and hung out at the campground and prepared for our usual progressive wine tastings that we self-host in costume (our tent had Bordeaux reds paired with flavored macarons).

We had a very early morning the next morning since the girls were in a new place and so excited. That's how I ended up just sitting back and watching Summer go to town on the leftover pizza she found at 6am. I found Addams Family on the TV and funny story - whatever channel that was just kept showing Addams Family and Addams Family Values on repeat all day long so every time we were in our tent we were watching the other one.

We went out to lunch in the town nearby and Sophie and Charlie were adorably obnoxious and Summer had become much more comfortable with the company and was happy with her godfathers this time.

When we got back to the campsite, they had a pop-up jewelry shop and we had a fun time creating charm bracelets with the girls. Sophie picked out a purple Hello Kitty charm for both of us. She also picked up out a llama, an Aladdin lamp, a mermaid tail, and she was inexplicably attached to a white cowboy boot charm lol. 

That evening we joined in the campsite trick or treating and spent the evening by the campfire eating some of the loot.

The next morning was the sad morning of clean up. Charlie and Sophie were running back and forth between our tents having donuts and playing "bunk bed girls" and I was pretty exhausted because it was impossible to get anything done with Summer around. AJ and I had to take turns watching her while the other cleaned, and all I could do was sit there and watch her find a donut and absolutely demolish it. Her sugar high was quite adorable...

...as was her sugar crash as soon as we loaded into car.

It was so sad to say goodbye to all of our friends, and Sophie was again inconsolable having to leave her newfound friend too, but it was a long trek back, and I think we were located the closest! We decided to make a few stops though, with the first one being Ostrich Land right down the street.

It was intense! I've seen ostriches before, but for some reason, they are wild and the longer you look at them, the weirder they seem to become. Their necks are crazy long, their eyes are super intense and almost scary, their beaks are STRONG and seeing their massive legs and two toes really makes you see how they're related to dinosaurs. We had so much fun seeing them and probably because it was so early, they were really active and fun and it seriously was intimidating feeding them, but it was so cute listening to Sophie absolutely crack up as they ate.

We then opted to take the longer drive to Santa Barbara rather then just head in to downtown Solvang so the girls could get a power nap in before we had lunch on State Street.

Wahhhhhh! Take me back!!

We had a nice lunch, went in a game shop, got some Starbucks and sadly had to just hit the road to get home even though we were tempted to stay longer and revisit the Santa Barbara zoo. 

It didn't feel like the zoo would have been such a detour, but without it we barely got home in time to unpack, prepare for the morning, give the girls a bath, and collapse in bed by about 8:30p ourselves.

And perhaps the biggest story of all from the weekend has a crazy backstory!! I had been getting the updates on Shannon since she went past her due date on Thursday. I was getting information as we were headed up to Solvang. Once we were checked in to the campsite, I realized nothing was coming through on my phone, whether WiFi or cell service. AJ was having the same problem. In the morning I found out a recent fire affected a cell tower and the entire region of Solvang/Buellton/Lompoc was without cell service and other features, which meant an almost total grid blackout, and businesses were cash only. It was incredibly frustrating.

Now, in any other world, I would have told anyone complaining about the lack of cell service to like, chill out, man. Live off the grid. Enjoy the stillness. Go back to basics.

But oh my god, my sister was in labor!! The worst part was that, every now and then, service would come in just enough to get a burst of messages and then go out again. So I was learning my sister was getting closer and closer, but I was basically completely out of the loop. Talk about timing.

Service got restored at some point I guess, and AJ woke me in the middle of the night to show me that Shannon had had the baby. Very surreal but so, so excited for my sweet little nephew Orrin!

Next up... Halloween!